A round that saw captains lead with impressive on-field performances, interviews with parents, and Hamish McLachlan introduces us to a world in which he commentates the game we love.
Read all about it, and The Battleship Potemkin, here.
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The second round of the season is in the books. Hopefully you had a tremendous Easter filled with family, chocolate and football. If you skimped on the last one have no fear, the following will fill you in.
Winners
Captains
This was a good round for club captains. Chris Judd started proceedings on Friday night with 33 disposals, 8 clearances, 3 goals and a 91 point victory. You know those cards the umpires write the Brownlow votes on? Do you think they come pre-printed with “C. Judd” in the ‘3 votes’ category? Feels like they would save a bit of time this way.
It’s a good thing his name is relatively short as well. That alone has probably scored him a few extra votes over time. I mean, the umpires have been running around for a few hours while being thrown constant abuse, I doubt very much they want to hang around the ground and spend any more time than necessary going through the formalities. Just pop down three names and on you go. “Chris Judd” lends itself nicely. If you’re in a rush, are you going to write down Setanta O’hAilpin or Chris Judd? It’s a surprise Robert DiPierdomenico won one at all. Do you think they wrote ‘Dipper’ on those cards?
Jobe Watson picked up Saturday afternoon right where Judd left off, notching 25 touches, 7 clearances and an incredible 13 tackles in a win over Port Adelaide, while Geelong’s Joel Selwood spent his Monday afternoon displaying a typical disregard for his own health. The definitive moment was undoubtedly the one where he practically knocked himself out and spent the next 30 seconds in the hands of trainers. A clearly dazed Selwood could be seen telling teammate Steve Johnson to give instructions to the team in his place. All this occured after he had cut his head open in the first quarter. Arnie once said that if it bleeds we can kill it, but he clearly never dealt with Joel Selwood.
Speaking of captains….
Gary Ablett
This guy is pretty good at football. Any small belief that Ablett was only as good as he was because he played among great players at Geelong has surely been eradicated, because anyone who watches the Suns knows he is not playing with good players at the moment.
98 per cent of good things that happen with the Suns involve Gary Ablett in some shape or form. When his teammates get the ball, and there is no clear and immediate option, you can see their brain begin to tick over.
“I’m not sure what I should do here……..But I bet Gary does! I’ll just give it to him”
I guarantee that somewhere in the Sun’s training facilities is a big sign that says ‘When in doubt, give it to Gary’. In fairness to them, it’s a pretty good policy.
Jimmy Bartel
For a Brownlow and Norm Smith medallist Jimmy Bartel does at times seem somewhat underrated, which is odd because, you know, he’s won a Brownlow and Norm Smith medal.
Bartel impacted the game tremendously in the second half. The tireless Geelong maestro could be seen taking marks at both ends of the ground, kicking goals in driving rain, and at one point acting as a goal keeper as his side attempted to protect their small lead. If you wanted one player for a big game, you’d be hard-pressed finding a more suitable candidate than Bartel.
Tom Hawkins, James Podsiadly and mature age recruits
It seems over the past eight months Tom Hawkins has finally caught on to the fact that he is a massive human being. The Tomahawk took 12 marks, 8 inside 50, and kicked 3 goals against the Hawks, dominating every contest.
Imagine if he learns how to kick.
Kicking was no issue for his forward line partner though. The jPod kicked 5 goals straight, including the last one of the game to put the Cats in front. With Podsiadly proving a more than competent forward, Ian Callinan adding much needed class to the Adelaide forward line, Michael Barlow having magnets in his palms and James Magner already cementing his place as Melbourne’s best midfielder, it’s pretty clear recruiters haven’t got it down to an exact science yet.
Michael Malthouse
Seven’s Saturday “arvo” football was interesting to say the least (more on that soon), but the former Collingwood coach was a more than welcome addition to my eardrums. Malthouse spent the telecast bucking recent trends by actually providing some analysis of what was occurring on the screen.
Losers
Hamish McLachlan
Those who tuned into the Essendon v Port Adelaide game could be forgiven for thinking they were watching E! News. Ryan Seacrest Hamish McLachlan educated viewers about practically everything other than what was taking place on the field. Do you know which Port Adelaide player Bernie Vince’s sister is dating? Hamish McLachlan does. Well, strictly speaking that’s a lie. He got it wrong. To his credit he did correct himself soon after. It’s Paul Stewart, not Ben Jacobs. What do you mean you don’t care? You just want to watch the football?
Dustin Fletcher
Dustin Fletcher played magnificently against Port Adelaide in what was his 349th appearance for the Bombers. Fletcher isn’t a loser for his on-field performance; he loses because his age was discussed more times than those of Olympic gymnasts.
Seven used their “Saturday arvo” telecast to trial a new show titled ‘The Dustin Fletcher Fun Fact Hour’. Did you know Dustin Fletcher is so old that he was playing in the AFL before Port Adelaide’s Chad Wingard was born? Or that he is so old he was playing in the AFL years before The Port Adelaide Power were born?
Tune in next week when we hear second hand about Dustin’s experience during the Great Fire of London (“really hot”), his feelings at the premiere of The Battleship Potemkin (“I don’t like steps”), his fond recollection of the 1904 St Louis Olympic Games (“George Eyser is my favourite athlete of all time”), and who he voted for in the ‘Essendon player most likely to google themselves’ poll (probably Angus Monfries by the sound of things…)
Interviews with parents
One of the things I’ve noticed so far this season is an increasing trend where broadcasters stick a microphone in the face of a young player’s parents. They normally result in the viewer missing some part of the play, and are always, without question, useless. Both of them are very proud. There, we don’t need to do that anymore. Now if they went a little more like this:
Commentator: Your son makes his debut for Hawthorn today. Are you proud of your son?
Mum: No. Not really. It’s only his first game. I’ll be more impressed if he gets to 200. Besides, I wanted him to be a Doctor.
Commentator: Oh…..how about you Graham?
Dad/Graham: He’s only had 7 touches so far. I told him if he doesn’t get 25 there won’t be no McDonald’s after the game.
Commentator: Okay then. How does Uncle Alf feel about his nephew?
Uncle Alf: I’m an Essendon supporter.
Then I’d be interested.
Kicking the ball along the ground in the rain
Don’t think Lance Franklin will make that mistake twice….. sorry three times.
Greater Western Sydney Giants
Once again The Simpsons demonstrates it has a scene that is applicable for any situation. This one perfectly summarises North’s decision to extend their 76 point halftime lead to 129 points at the final siren.
adam j ritchie 